A Inner Conflict

Hello Compassionate's, How are you? I hope you are well.

When a war rages within, it doesn't always show on the outside, we hide behind a mask, a smile to hide the pain, a painted face, and we witnessed that with the big time movie stars and designers, who chose to end it all.  They didn't look depressed, they dressed nice, had on make up, made us laugh, they where so successful and wealthy how could they be so depressed?

If you are like me when you read those comments, you think to yourself wow, what you shouldn't be depressed if rich? I saw some mind blowing comments on posts about depression and what shocked me was the belief that the rich shouldn't be depressed, no matter of income, we all deserve compassion as we are alive and breathing and depression can be caused by a death of a loved one or friend, a stressful time in ones life, or a imbalance with in the brian itself.

Different times in our lives it can appear, the tricky part is it doesn't always show up the same, it's not crying all the time, it can be aches and pains along with this sorrow that won't go away, for some it's going from outgoing to shy and quite, not wanting to be social at all when once a social butterfly, even a lack of enegry to get anything done,  it's a war within ourselves and it's not just depression, it can be overcoming abuse and working hard every day to reframe your mindset because to many times you were told you were useless or lazy or wouldn't be anything in your life or told you are unloveable, that's the worse one.

It's overcoming that we learned through ads from companies all the must have's, there lastest greatest stuff out there, like the next great phone, the dot or echo, the new fad diet that all those beautiful or handsome stars follow, and did you see the barely there jeans and the price, like it was what $200.00 for a outline your just paying for the designer name on that one.

My inner voice always wants to remind me to be happy with what I have because I know sadly some one out there has even less. Raised aware, born to care, born in 1980 when the world mourned John Lennon and here I hold the torch of peace high, yet every day a part of me struggles with the desire of a bigger place, wanting a van, a bigger bank account to pay for 4 educations, a yearly family vacation, but we do ok, I mean remember some one else is homeless and I am grateful for the roof over my head, some one else is hungry and I mange to make ends meet enough that we have food, besides you look at the stars who in depression ended their lives and you know money doesn't make you happy.

I know some who lived a life of purpose but still burnt out and chose the sad path that leaves us with the pain instead, they didn't see the true light that they shone for others, they didn't feel like they made a big enough difference but they did, they saw no ending to the darkness, to the struggles they tried to help end for others, the violence, the hate, when you don't feel bright enough to make that one more step, that one more helping hand. When we lose those beautiful souls some step up and start a charity and speak out louder, mainly out of love and honouring a memory but some times it can come from a place of guilt, the shame and questioning of why didn't I see the signs? why couldn't I help? why wasn't my friendship or love enough? This is known as survivors guilt, and I have witnessed it with a few friends and it wasn't just on suicide but a unsolved murder too.

With social media we do witness more violence, more people come forward and share what they have been through, speaking up about abuse, rape, all injustices faced.

We try and be more aware, more purpose driven, a better person for our ecosystem and live less wasteful, more compassionate, but it isn't always easy it can be a inner conflict.

A every day battle between need and greed, what's right and wrong, that moment to think about is this good or bad for the ecosystem? is this hurting someone? Do I want it? Do I need it?

If I reach but one person then let it be you dear reader, you are worthy of love, you are a shining light, you matter. Take your #SelfCare, enjoy your #SelfCompassion and keep at those #DailyActsOfKindness that shine your light bright in the darkness, and please do not fear stigma and talk to someone, find your local help phone line they are there to help and some of them have been where you are and chose life and have no regrets in getting through that storm, to see the rainbows when the sun started to shine through, or dear, sweet compassionate, we who care and love deeply can burn out, feeling other peoples pain, it is ok when we can't help more then what we have, some times that's all we can do and it's up to them for the rest of the way. We only fail if we don't try. Take comfort in the fact you are doing some thing.

Together we are #CompassionStrong, so dear reader, Compassionate as always I hope you stay safe, are blessed and peace be with you.

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